Byproducts…

Byproduct (n) – an incidental or secondary product made in the manufacture or synthesis of something else.

This past weekend, our church did a dinner theater. Our church does a dinner theater every year, and it is a simple little fundraiser for our students to raise money to pay for church camp in the summer. Since I teach the seniors at our church, I always help to some degree. Every year the students come up with a bunch of silly fun things that are loosely tied together to create an entertaining show, but this year, we added a little more structure, a lot more work, and tried to make it something bigger than we have ever done before… we made a murder mystery.

A few adults and I started working on an idea for a murder mystery in October, and around December, we had the rough outline of what we wanted to do and how we wanted to do it. I spent a few days pounding on it, and before long we had a 41 page script. In January, I spoke to the students and requested nine brave souls to be the heavy lifters in our church play. From that point on, every Sunday for two hours a day, behind closed doors, nine students and I worked on bringing our play to life. Over the past month, we have had two five-hour practices to make sure we get it right. In our play, we had a “shell-game” of drinks, and we had color-coded cups and a seven-chart diagram to make sure we got that part perfect (to make the staged murder accurate with the poison being added to the right drink). The week of, we met at the church at 6:30 am and practiced. Then the performances came, and for almost two days straight we were incarcerated with one another, making sure everything was right and clean.

The performances went well, the church was entertained, and we raised a record amount for the students to go to camp.

At the end of the last show, my nine students, six of which are seniors, pulled me up and gave me a huge basket of stuff I probably shouldn’t have (Mt. Dew, chips, candy, and movies) and gave me a card. What they wrote is between them and I, but all you need to know is I was humbled… super humbled.

In the days following, my emotions have been all over the place. With the realization that the play was over and it was one of the last things that I would be doing with my students (some of which have been a huge part of my life for the past three years), I’ve been lamenting the fact that these students that have meant so much to me will be moving on in a few short months. It felt like ripping off a Band-aid. My goal was to put on a great church play that had a few Biblical truths in it (Product), but I wasn’t intending to get so attached to these students… Please don’t misunderstand. I loved and cared about them before, but I had no idea how much that would grow through this show.

Byproduct.

Sitting in church tonight, I was still pretty depressed about things. All I could think about is how special these kids are to me and how I was soon to be a part of their past. I even got a head start on feeling bad about my own children moving on, and my oldest is just eight! Afterwards, one of my nine students came up to me and thanked me for everything once again. What I told her was definitely not my words but God’s (I think it was a Romans 8:26 kind of moment):

“I started teaching youth to make a difference in your lives. I didn’t have any idea it would make a difference in my own life.”

Byproduct.

After talking to her, I felt a lot better. Even if God takes these students to far and distant places where I will never see them again, I realized that I am the beneficiary of being a part of their lives, not the other way around. I remembered that when you rip off a Band-aid, a little of your skin goes with the Band-aid, but what I forgot was a little bit of the Band-aid stays with you. Not just these kids, but all the students I have had in my six years of teaching have blessed me so much, and I would not give up the momentary sorrow I feel right now and not have the amazing blessing I have received.

Byproduct.

The most important investment you can make is in people.

Be in the business of people. It’s hard work. There are times it is frustrating. There are times when it isn’t fun. Sometimes (like now for me) it hurts. It takes a lot of time and more than a passing smile in the hall when you see someone, but there is nothing more important in the Kingdom of God (other than God Himself) than people.

People sometimes wonder why Beth and I got so many kids when we adopted. They bless us so much. They are my family. They are my investment. I can’t imagine life without them or without the blessings I have received by having them.

As for Miranda, Blake, Abby, Nick, Claire, Karah, Anna, Abel, and Tyler – Go out and change the world. When you’re done, look me up when you get to heaven. I’ll be saving you guys a seat in my section when you get there! I can’t wait to spend eternity with you.

At the dinnermesa,

Ty

Whose Line is it Anyway?…

A year and a half into having kids, I have a healthy number of post-infraction speeches under my belt. A post-infraction speech is usually used in conjunction with a form of discipline (i.e. sitting in time out) and followed up with the “kiss and make up” speech (kissing is optional).

Step 1: Post-infraction speech – Here’s what you did, and why it’s wrong…

Step 2: Discipline – Here’s the consequence for your action… (severity matching the severity of the infraction)

Step 3: Kiss and make up – What you did was wrong, but it is over, I still love you, and there is no weirdness between us any more…

It’s not an exact science, but it’s what we do.

Sometimes my speeches are as short as, “You should try to hold in your farts because you will never get a boyfriend if that’s all you do.” Sometimes they are long 30-minute multi-point sermons spelling out why we ask them to brush their teeth every night, and it’s not OK to skip.

I usually try to throw a “why” in there, just so they understand that the rules are not arbitrary… The rules have a purpose, and it usually is for their own good – such as, getting a nice boyfriend (of which I approve) one day.

The interesting thing is, in the midst of my post-infraction speech, I have heard God use my own speech to tell me the exact thing I needed to hear. Even though I’m disciplining my child, He tells me “Yeah! I’ve been trying to tell you that exact same thing for weeks now… Why does it seem so clear when you tell your kid, but you can’t see the same thing in your own life?”

Here are a few excerpts that I/God used…

_______________________________________________________________________

#1. Do you think it’s funny when your sister is in trouble. I’ve watched you several times, and you definitely laugh and act excited when you see her fail. She is your sister. We are a family, and we are a team. We need to build each other up and not delight when we see someone else stumble or mess up…

OK, God. I get it.

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#2. When I asked you why you didn’t follow instructions, all you did is tell me you just didn’t want to. Do you think that’s a good enough reason? Do you think my instructions are an option? When I ask you to do something, you need to do it, and you need to do it immediately and with a good attitude.

OK, God. I get it.

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#3. You have to eat your green beans before you get a cookie. I know you don’t like to eat your green beans, but there are a lot of people in the world that would be super grateful to have just a little of what you have. Also, green beans are good for you. I want to give you things that will help you – not just the stuff you want.

OK, God. I get it.

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#4 You didn’t like your shirt this morning and were mad the rest of the day. Your joy and happiness are your decision. Sometimes bad things happen. We can’t control those things. What we can control is how we react to them.

OK, God. I get it.

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#5 It’s OK to be upset and angry at what I asked you to do, but it’s not going to change the fact that you need to do it.

OK, God. I get it.

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#6 You can use the sofa and the TV trays for your fort, but you have to be careful. Those are not your things. They are my things. I will let you use them but you need to be good stewards of them, not break them, and share them with your brothers and sisters.

OK, God. I get it.

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Before I had kids, a lot of people told me my children would teach me so much. I just didn’t think the instruction would come out of my own mouth.

At the dinnermesa,

Ty

Here is an Ugly…

Tomorrow is Sanctity of Human Life Day, started back in 1984 by President Ronald Reagan.  The date was chosen to coincide with the 11th anniversary of the Roe vs. Wade. “We have been given the precious gift of human life, made more precious still by our births in or pilgrimages to a land of freedom. It is fitting, then, on the anniversary of the Supreme Court decision in Roe v. Wade that struck down State anti-abortion laws, that we reflect anew on these blessings, and on our corresponding responsibility to guard with care the lives and freedoms of even the weakest of our fellow human beings.” (excerpt taken from here)

This is something that, until recently, I did not fully comprehend.  I know what you are thinking: it’s when the kids came home & you became a family & the magical-roller-coaster of our family began…wish I was more mature & could say yes that is when the realization hit, but it happened last week.  One of my very dearest friends announced that she is pregnant.

I had wanted to be pregnant since the day I married my husband.  It was a desire of my heart. It was a life goal. It would justify of how I saw myself as a woman.  It would earn my spot in my marriage.  It was a way to leave a legacy. It was a way to spread my faith.  It was a blessing from God.

Then the ugly truth hit- it wasn’t going to happen.  You need to know that my husband was very okay with that.  Adoption had always been a part of the plan, the long, someday-in-the-future plan, but it was there, & he never made me feel anything less than wonderful in my role in our family.  God bless him for that!  But I let the ugly truth set in because in the midst of my waiting period, God allowed my friends & family to get pregnant & have beautiful, wonderful babies.  Deep down, I was so happy that God chose to bless them with children, but at the same time trapped in my own bitterness, jealousy, & the inconvenience of my circumstances that I had to distance myself.  I didn’t want my stench of ugly to ruin their joy.

Then we brought the kids home, & I became so focused on the new aspects of our life that I didn’t have a chance for jealousy to set in, but I wondered if it was still there.  I have a beautiful family, more that I could ever imagine, but had I given up the feeling of “failing as a woman” deep inside?

Then we were blind-sided. We were at our friend’s house celebrating his birthday with friends & family, and it became time for presents.  He opened up his gifts & then a family member became very concerned about getting the video camera to work, which I didn’t get because there was only one present left, and it wasn’t even for the birthday boy!  They slid it over to my friend’s mom & dad, and asked them to open up a late Christmas present. Inside were some very precious baby booties, & her mom looked up and asked, “Are you pregnant?”  His wife replied, “yes”, and the hugging began.

I sat at the opposite end of the table overrun with emotions, but for once, my vision wasn’t clouded by bitterness. I could hardly hold it together because I finally got it.    Joy came tumbling out, & I understood how a single baby can change every feeling in a person.  Unspeakable joy that still leaves me in tears, even while I type.

I was so trapped in my circumstance that I didn’t allow the miracle of life to penetrate my heart & open it up to the joy that it is.  I wish I could tell you that I had been better & realized this before our adoption was made complete, but God saw my struggle & filled those holes in my heart (apparently there were 5 of them).  I wish I would have been strong enough to revel in my friends’ & family’s amazing news because I robbed myself of unspeakable joy.  I see that now on the other side.

Oh, United States! Take off your bitter glasses, your unfair circumstances, your inconvenience, and your honor of the politically correct, and begin to value life.  We can’t choose which lives are worth it. It must be all of them.

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another. John 13:34-35

At the dinnermesa,

Beth

Wake Me Up, When September Ends…

Ask Beth.

One of my great joys in life is paying bills. For a man that is just this side of Amish, rejecting smart-phones, tablets, cable TV, and the like, I do it the old-fashioned way with a ledger, a checkbook, and a lot of stamps. At the beginning of each month, Beth and I make and agree upon a budget, spending all of our money on paper first. Then we work the plan.

While getting such a joy out of paying bills suggests that I’m a bit nerdy (true) and don’t get out much (also true), I’ve got some good reasons. Allow me to employ my persuasive essay writing skills from high-school with the following three well-thought-out supporting paragraphs…

First, it’s all about pride. It’s nice to be able to provide for my family and not have to rely on a government program to do it for me. When I pay the bills, I see the physical needs of my family being addressed, and as a man, that brings a lot of fulfillment.

Secondly, I have a healthy fear of debt. It’s no surprise that our adoption came with expenses with which we couldn’t keep pace. We got in the red a bit on that one, and we’ve not given ourselves permission to have too much fun until that gets cleaned up. When I pay those bills, I feel like we are getting ahead and moving closer to our goal. The thought of not owing anyone except the mortgage company is a bliss that can only be topped by not owing anyone including the mortgage company. Take it from someone who enjoyed that status from 2010 to 2012!

Lastly… errr… I guess I only have two well-thought-out supporting paragraphs. Sorry.

So it’s true. We work hard to pay our bills, to have integrity, and to get on more firm financial footing each month. We try to always keep our “eye on the ball.”

Back on track with my story… September started out like most any month. We planned our budget and Beth reminded me to budget for her adoption conference and our youngest son’s birthday. Aside from that, we didn’t have too many curve-balls that we could see.

Then the curve-balls started coming.

1. Beth went on her adoption conference, but at the last minute, her arrangement to stay with a friend fell through, and we had to pony up a good chunk of money for her to stay at a hotel. No biggie. That’s what an emergency fund is for, right?

2. The kitchen sink started leaking. As I was replacing the faucet, I noticed that the valves under the sink had bad O-rings, and I decided to replace them too. Emergency fund got pretty low, but still OK!

3. My Tacoma had a “low tire pressure” light come on. I, with my knowledge of the ideal gas law (PV=nRT), assumed that it’s just because it is getting cold outside, and cold air has less pressure. I aired my tires up, but it came back on again. The friendly people at Discount Tire told me that the tire sensor is going out and needs to be replaced. Withdrawal another $75 from the emergency fund.

4. (Before I say the next thing, I don’t want you to think less of Tacoma. She has worked hard for almost 7 years, and aside from oil, brakes, and tires, this is the first thing I’ve had to do to her for over 125K miles.) Tacoma started riding really rough towards the end of the month. My dad and I crawled under Tacoma and found out that he had a bad U-joint. After dropping it, borrowing my father’s truck, taking it to a dealer, and replacing all of the U-joints on the drive shaft, I had used all of the emergency fund and most of the pay-extra-on debt money.

5. Between all of the running around that occurred while we were putting out other fires, both Beth and I went over budget on gas, and the rest of our pay-extra-on debt money went out the window.

By the time we got to the end of the month, I was lamenting how everything went down. Since misery loves company, I stopped paying bills for a second and talked to Beth. Something I have clearly not learned in five years of marriage is that Beth is one of the worst people to have a pity-party with!

Here was my opening statement:

I get sick of doing the right thing. I haven’t bought anything for myself in over a year, I can count on one hand the number of times we’ve been to a restaurant over the past two months, and the highlight of my week is when I have enough loose change at the end to get a Mt. Dew out of the vending machines at work. We kicked our butts this month, and all we did was tread water. We didn’t get ahead at all. The only thing that happened is time passed, and we’ve got nothing to show for it.

To which, Beth gave her big rebuttal (pun intended to all my Sir Mix-a-lot fans out there):

Are you kidding?!? Your youngest son turned five. We were barely on U.S. soil when he turned four. We got to celebrate one year in the U.S. with our kids on Sept. 20. Our middle son accepted Christ as his personal Lord and Savior and is getting baptized next week. The kids are doing well in school, we grew as a family, and we are blessed enough to be able to tread water. Some people can’t do that.

I started to return the volley, but she shot me down in mid-sentence with, “No Tyler. That stuff counts. That’s getting ahead too.”

I walked away mad because she party pooped my pity-party (re-read it slowly. It makes sense), but I realized she’s right. Obviously, this thing called life is what goes on while we are busy keeping our “eye on the ball.” Maybe that’s why Ferris Bueller said during one of his talk-at-the-camera moments, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

Oh, happy day! When my sins are washed away!

“It’s my happybirthday”. With limited English, he still believes this is one word.

Birthday – God decided to water the grass (big blessing), so our outdoor drive-in movie birthday was set up in the garage. We did our best to simulate a pretty, starry night.

One-year in the U.S., and remembering our other favorite country with our Colombian scarfs.

Sabor Latino – our One-Year celebration… and the only Colombian food place we can find. Super good authentic food!

Rite of passage – Big sister letting Darth sleeping in the top bunk with her.

Family game night. A lot of butts in faces, but it’s OK. We’re family.

Dang. Wisdom can be found in weird places: coming-of-age films from the 80’s and wives. Maybe that’s why God gave us both.

At the dinnermesa,

Ty

Back to where it all started…

To anyone that has been following our little story, you know that a mission trip to Peru in June of 2011 changed my life and was the catalyst to our adoption. There were other events in our lives that God was using to nudge us in the direction of adoption, but after Peru, we went from “thinking about it” to “doing it”.

Well, I got an opportunity to go back to Peru with my church last month, and I couldn’t say no. Not only was I excited to see what God might do this time, one of the amazing byproducts of our adoption journey is becoming quasi-bilingual, and I couldn’t let that blessing go to waste!

When I returned, a lot of people, including my pastor, asked if God told me to bring home some more South American kids. He did not, but He did do a work my kids’ lives… and my life too.

While I was in Peru, our mission team got to share the gospel with about 1,000 kids. Each day, we would drive to a new neighborhood, invite everyone to the local park, share the gospel with singing, a drama, and a testimony, and then we would play games with the kids and adults afterwards. We were fortunate to see a number of people trust Christ as their personal Lord and Savior, and I led my first Sunday School lesson in Spanish!

Our group. This is the dream team of mission groups – Jordan, Bird, Barkley, etc… They’re all there. Seriously, It is an amazing group of people. 3/4 knew Spanish too!

After Cairo, Lima is the largest city built in a desert… a really mild, overcast desert.

My heart breaks for these children. For whatever reason, God, in his infinite wisdom, put me in the United States of America, the son of good Christian parents, with tons of opportunity. For whatever reason, God put these kids in Peru, in the middle of a sandy desert, where they will live and struggle for the rest of their lives to make around $2,700 a year. I don’t know why. Why am I so special to have so much more? Why do I get such a larger blessing disproportional to these and others around the world that were born into far worse situations?

I fear these are questions I won’t have the answer for on this side of Heaven. Really I only have one question to which I need to be concerned: “What am I going to do about it?” That drove my wife and I to adopt two years ago, it drove me to go back to Peru three weeks ago, and it drives me to shame for my ungrateful heart.

I really am ungrateful, and it pains me to say. I fail to recognize how blessed I am, and only see the things God is not doing for me… as if He should work to glorify me. We sang a new praise chorus about a month ago in church. I don’t remember most of it, but I do remember one line: “We don’t want blessings, we want You.”

Wow. I have Him, living in my heart and His blessings too, but still I crave more… To quote a lot of great men in the Bible, “Woe, is me!” I am such a baby in my faith, and I don’t think I would fare nearly as well as Job if the same thing were to happen to me. Lately my prayer has been “God, I want to want You. I want to want only You. Please help me.” I don’t know if that’s the best thing to say, but it is honest, and I have to trust in one of my favorite verses:

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. Romans 8:26

Here in the Northern Hemisphere, my kids were also interceding for me. Beth was good about communicating to them that I was going to tell people in Peru about Jesus during the week I was gone. Beth told me when I got home that they prayed each night for God to help me, our team, and Tia Lorena (Lauren, our missionary friend that we were helping) share Christ with the people in Peru. How amazing to think that a year ago, these were fatherless children and a few of the nameless people half a world away whom James 1:27 calls us to help, and today they are interceding for others on their home-continent that they may come to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ!

I have to admit, getting off the plane and hugging them after a week’s time was pretty great too!

Please continue to pray for Lauren in Peru. I got two snapshots (June, 2011 and June, 2013) of what God has done in that little area north of Lima, and I can say Lauren’s ministry is starting to get some momentum. Some of the people we shared Christ to the first time were actively ministering with us this time! However, as with anything that is done in the name of Christ, Satan just wants to attack more as it gains ground.

Looking down the street from Lauren’s ministry center in Ventanilla. Pan-Americana, in the middle, is the main road through this area.

I also have to mention, Father’s day came and went while I was in Peru. I did get a chance to Skype with my kids, and Beth packed me some cards that they made me ahead of time. While it was sad to be away from them for my first Father’s day, I was doing the Father’s work, so it didn’t feel quite so bad!

At the dinnermesa,

Ty

Adoption, Re-adoption, Adoption…

OK,

As Beth previously stated, we’ve been a little busy/lazy, but things keep happening, so we have to catch up! What that means for you is two blog posts tonight.

Adoption:

As you know, our official adoption was on September 10, 2012. We adopted five kids and they adopted us. It was the culmination of 5 years of prayer and an amazing day for all of us. Once we got home a week later we got out of the “get our kids home at all costs” mode and got into the “paying off all costs” mode. Unfortunately, we discovered we had one additional expense… a re-adoption.

Re-Adoption:

What the heck is a re-adoption?  If you try to Google it, you get a bunch of football play diagrams for the “read option”. Sometimes Google gets confused. A re-adoption simply allows the U.S. to mimic the adoption decree that the foreign country issued. We will have an accompanying adoption decree for the U.S. (similar to the Sentencia that we received from Colombia) that will ensure that the kids will be entitled to all of the rights that they should have as our children according to federal and state laws. The other nice thing is it gets a birth certificate for our kids on record so they don’t have to fly down to Colombia every time they need one. Anyway, it’s a good idea, but like most things in life it means more money to spend. We saved up and were planning to have this done in December, but that’s when the washing machine and dryer died (As a side note, a washer/dryer set and re-adoptions for five kids are about the same price). Fast-forward through five fastidious months of saving, and we are ready to try again.

More forms, more money, but heck, we’ve been through an adoption. We know the drill. May 31 will be our court date, so we’ll let you know how it goes.

Adoption:

In the mean time, we’ve been praying, reading the Bible, and going to church as a family, and some stuff is starting to stick with the older kids. Since there are five weekdays and we have five kids, each one gets a different night to lead prayer for the family. When they do, they usually ask Jesus into their heart. Each one has asked Him to come into their heart about five to ten times. Judging from conversations, we felt like the older two were starting to connect the dots. Because we don’t like working without a safety net, we called our good friend, Isaac, who is fluent and Spanish in case we had problems explaining, and we walked them through what “having Jesus in their hearts” really means.

A few years ago, I did a presentation of the gospel using those little transparency slides (for an overhead projector… you 80’s children who went to public school remember the days!). Fortunately, I still had them and used them . Giving credit where credit was due, I ripped this off a man named Joe, who shared this with me during children’s church when I was about 10. To a young, impressionable Tyler, it stuck with me, and I haven’t forgotten it in about 23 years. He has about 12 kids and is currently serving as a missionary in Bolivia (I never thought I would have so many connections to South America).

This is your heart.

Inside your heart, there is a throne. Whoever sits on the throne controls your thoughts, feelings, and actions.

When you are born, the person sitting on the throne is “Bad Me”. He controls your thoughts, feelings, and actions.

Because “Bad Me” isn’t perfect, sometimes there is bad stuff in our thoughts, feelings, and actions.

What do we do about all this bad stuff?

Jesus is perfect, and His death on the cross covers the bad stuff in our lives when we accept Him as Savior.

That gets rid of the bad stuff, but the main problem is that we still have “Bad Me” sitting on the throne in our heart.

That’s why we ask Jesus to come into our heart and help us with our thoughts, feelings, and actions.

When Jesus is on the throne of your heart, that makes him Lord. Pastor Johnny says it is impossible to ask him to be your Savior of your life without asking him to be Lord of your life too.

Of course, sometimes as Christians, we still have problems with “Bad Me” wanting to take back control, but we try hard every day to keep Jesus there, where He needs to be.

That’s it. So simple a child can understand, and, at the same time, so overwhelmingly amazing that Biblical scholars and grown men can’t.

After walking them through it, I asked them if they understood. “Si, Papi”. I told them if they needed some time to think about it, that would be OK, but if they were ready, we could for-real ask Jesus into our hearts. Both said yes!

Adoption!

While it just cost me some time and money to bring these kids into my family, it cost God His only Son to bring them into His. Amazing love.

So Beth got the best Mother’s Day present (not her new Fossil Sunglasses that me and the kiddies picked out at my company store). We got to take our oldest son and daughter up on Sunday to tell the pastor that Jesus lives inside of them!

(I’m trying not to steal Beth’s thunder too much… she keeps promising a Mother’s Day blog).

Before I make everybody cry (myself included), I’ll tell you a joke my brother told me a few weeks ago. On Easter Sunday, during the children’s time, a pastor tells the kids that it is Resurrection Sunday, and asks if any of them knows what the resurrection is. One kid raises his hand and says, “I don’t know, but if you have one that lasts more than four hours, you need to see your doctor.”

At the dinnermesa,

Ty

Team Familia…

Tyler blog – It’s a little long, but I’ll try to keep it interesting.

Vignette 1:

A few weeks ago, Beth said “I think it would be good idea if our oldest played soccer on the Upward Sports League at church.” What I heard was “I think it would be a good idea if we spend extra money, waste a lot of gas going into Mansfield, and spend lots of time we don’t have being a translator/coaching a team.” I begrudgingly agreed, and all of my predictions came true.

We asked him if he wanted to play soccer on a real team, not in our back yard… Does a bear poop in the forest? I wonder why we even asked. Afterwards we did explain to the other kids that they were a little too young, but in a few years they would get a chance too. It wasn’t because we liked our oldest any more than the rest of them. I’m sure every family has to manage perceptions, but it’s still very important for us and our young family.

Now back to the “I told you so” part…

1. It wasn’t as much money as some leagues, and the church does a good job to keep the cost down, but after we signed up, we needed to find cleats, shin-guards, and a few other things. Beth did a good job of bargain shopping and finding everything we needed, but I still felt it was more important to pay off the kids before we start accessorizing them.
2. My truck has a 20 gallon tank that allows me to go about 350 miles before the low fuel light starts. 350 miles gets me to work five to six times a week with maybe one or two small trips extra. With my $70 a week allowance for gas, I usually have about $5 or $10 bucks left over for a vending machine run during my strenuous mouse-clicking days at work. Add two trips to Mansfield each week, and suddenly my snack money goes in my tank (the other one).
3. Our coach, Coach Rudd, does an excellent job with the kids, is patient, never raises his voice, etc… everything you want in a coach. The problem is, he is coaching two teams at the same time. I saw where this was going. Even though I have read the book “Boundaries” by Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend, I can’t stand to see a need with no one stepping up to fill it. I became an assistant coach.

So we have had two weeks of practice, and today was the big game. It’s 1^st grade soccer, so my expectations were pretty low. I remember when I played soccer at that age that they used to hang different colored towels over the goals so we knew which one was ours. Expectations were further lowered when four out of our six-member team couldn’t make it to the game. I passed up two weeks of Ms. Freshley’s chocolate cupcakes for this?!?

Our team. No really. That’s our team. That’s all of it.

After finding a couple of ringers to at least field four men, we began to play, and we were awful  The other team was murdering us, but since it was Upward, we know that they were murdering us with a Christian attitude and the love of Jesus. Goal after unanswered goal. It was hard to watch.

During the breaks in between periods/quarters/innings (I’m not sure – there were six of them), I told our oldest, “You are a team. The only way you will have a chance is if you work together.” I have to confess, I ripped that line off of Russell Crow in “Gladiator”, but it is absolutely true. “You have to pass. You have to spread out. You have to get in good spots for your team-mates to find you” It wasn’t all at once, but little-by-little, our little team began to show signs of life. Then we got a goal! The next thing I know, my boy scored not once but twice!

“What you do in this life echos for eternity…”

I don’t remember what the final score was since Upward doesn’t keep score. I was planning on keeping score myself, but after how the first half of the game was going, I thought keeping score would simply be an exercise in quantifying how bad we were (We suck this many). However, the second half they played together, and it paid off. They were competitive, and that made my happy. Our oldest was super proud, not just that he did good but because he was on a team that needed him. I had to take back some of my negative attitude and concede that my beautiful wife might know what she’s talking about… sometimes. (Hold that thought – not about me being wrong – the one before it.)

Vignette 2:

Tonight, I was on the computer, and I wanted to listen to music and our oldest wanted to talk about soccer, since the game was fresh on his mind. I thought an excellent compromise was watching the official music video to the 2010 FIFA World Cup, “Waka Waka” by Shakira. One by one, the other kids floated in, drawn to the computer by the dulcet tones of another Colombian native singing in their own tongue. Our oldest daughter once again speaks for the group.

Translated to English for those reading:

Her: Who is she?

Me: That’s Shakira. She’s a Colombian too.

Her: Just like us?

Me: Yes.

Her: She’s really beautiful. (long pause staring at the screen) She’s a good dancer. (long pause staring at the screen) She sings really pretty. Guys, look. This lady is a Colombian just like us! (long pause) She’s really pretty!

Me: Yeah. Her hips don’t lie.

They were mesmerized!  It was super cool for them to discover how amazing somebody from their country was, and look at themselves with a new sense of pride. Suddenly they had a renewed passion for their culture and people. They were proud of their Colombian heritage. Their team.

I was just going to talk about this, but I didn’t know that Beth captured Shakira’s captive audience.

(FYI… I haven’t told them about John Leguizamo yet.)

When it was over, they all wanted to watch it again. (Hold this thought too)

Vignette 3:

Rewind a few weeks ago. Beth and I have been working our butts off around the house for these kids, and it has just about killed us. We had a management meeting and discussed distributing some of the work load to the children for our own sanity. It wasn’t anything major- just a few folded clothes here and there, a vacuum run every so often, and turd patrol (for the dogs, not Darth). It’s been wonderful. We realized we have fourteen hands between us, and for the small time investment in teaching them what to do, it is already paying big dividends.

Case in point: lawn care. Yesterday, I needed to get the yard mowed and cleaned up because we have had a ton of rain, and it was starting to look pretty ragged. For the average person, this takes about an hour and a half. For me it takes closer to two hours because I’m anal. When I got home, everyone was in their work clothes, and we were done in an hour! Amazing! (Here’s the last thought to hold).

Don’t worry. It’s not lice. He’s showing Oscar how to look nice for the ladies.

God is teaching me a lot. Being orphans, I think the idea of “family” is a little foreign sometimes to our kids. However, almost every kid understands what a team is. We’ve told our kids that our family is a team. When we put on that last name, we wear it proudly. We bring honor to it, and we do the best job we can. We work together, and when we do, we accomplish more than what we could individually. We help out each other. We share in successes. We comfort each other in defeat. We are a part of something that is bigger than ourselves, and each one of us plays a vital role. We love each other. Isn’t that what a family is anyway?

Team Extended-Familia learning the team pose at Easter. Even our baby niece got it!

Beyond earthly families, there is another one we need to think about.

I Corintians 12:12-27

Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. For we were all baptized by one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many. Now if the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.

I hear all the time that “I don’t need to go to church to be a Christian.” Yes. All you need is to accept the free gift of salvation through Jesus Christ to be a Christian. However, if you are a Christian, you’re a part of a team, and your team needs you! You need your team. Tomorrow is Sunday. GAMEDAY.

I love sports. I’ve come to appreciate them over the past ten years as the best unscripted dramas to unfold. They are the ultimate in reality entertainment. I’m excited that my son wants to participate in them and play. However it pains me when I see more unbridled passion over a football or baseball game over hollow man-made victories than I do for the God of the universe that allows us to be on his team fighting the armies of darkness.

Please suit up. Please play. Your team needs you.

At the dinnermesa,

Ty

Did you know there is no Easter Bunny…

So holidays still kick my butt as a parent.   When we were single & care-free, my only concern was to get whatever dessert I was signed up to bring to Easter dinner on time (and I was usually late).  I still have that on my to-do list hence why I am up this late waiting for my pudding to thicken.  Here are my latest holiday lessons in Easter…

Did you know that we (the parents) have to put the candy in the eggs, no bunny does it, & apparently if your kids do it the magic is ruined.

Easter baskets, kids need an Easter basket.  I grew up getting one every Easter morning (I am going to be real honest now as an adult I might still receive a little something).  It was filled with magical spring treats like the one-time-a-year-delicious peeps, a stuffed bunny/duck/chick, Cadbury creme eggs, etc. Well friends I don’t know how we missed it but we COMPLETELY FORGOT to budget for 5 Easter baskets.  Right now I had to turn off Facebook because every update I see is of beautifully & thoughtfully planned Easter morning surprises.

Separate lesson about the Easter basket, you actually need them before Easter to go to the church/community Easter egg hunts.  This morning we did not have any, so I did a desperate look around the house & the only thing I had 5 of were the galvanized buckets above my kitchen cabinets.  As we walked to the car to head to the egg hunt my youngest son asked, “Are we going to milk cows with these buckets?” Mami’s response, “No.”  His response, “So goats?”

Easter dresses, once again a time honored tradition in my household growing up…something frilly in a pastel with a hat.  Yes, the one time of the year to wear a hat no matter how giant your head is.  Boys are always in nice shirts, ties, no holes in the jeans, shiny shoes…

Resurrection rolls, resurrection cookies, dying eggs…yep none of that happened.  I have 18 hard-boiled eggs in the fridge, dye sitting on the counter, but we ran out of time.  Looks like a lot of egg salad & cobb salad for us this week.

Please know this is not a don’t spend money on these things blog post.  I think that holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, celebrations need to be special.  They need to have a budget but they need to be celebrated in some way.  The kids need to know that this is a special day & why.  We learned this lesson on our third wedding anniversary we decided that even though we had no money, we needed to do something to mark this special day.  The year before we talked ourselves out of any celebrating, once again we blamed it on prudence & maturity.  But we had missed it, we had missed making a memory.  On our third year, we borrowed a movie from friends, defrosted the steaks I had bought on sale a few months before, & turned off our phones.  Nothing fancy but we took the time to celebrate the day.

I am so thankful for our parents.  I wish I could explain to you how they have eased us into parenting 5 children.  Through wisdom, advice, help, baby sitting, & through the holidays.

My parents made the kid’s Easter baskets, we didn’t ask them too, we didn’t mention it to them.  My dad just called one day & asked if they could…yes!  Tyler’s mom sewed the girl’s Easter dresses, & even gave me the extra ribbon so I could make the matching bows.  My parents bought the boys new pastel shirts with ties.  As a prideful human being this is hard for me to confess, I want to be able to provide everything for my children, my husband has a good job, I am a stay at home mom, we live frugally & are planners but we still need help.

Tomorrow morning at 5am Tyler & I will be stuffing eggs with candy, because when you are parents that is what you do. 🙂

Tonight instead of dying eggs we celebrated Tyler’s parent’s birthdays, we had hamburgers, played outside, rode bikes, laughed, memories were made.

We may never have a perfect, by-the-books, pinterest-inspired Easter.  But my children will know the Easter story, they will hear about God who sent His only son to be our atoning sacrifice, I pray that someday they will understand the importance, the need of a Savior in their lives, the desire to make Him Lord of their lives.  We will still strive to make family moments, but I refuse to stress or get down about not keeping up with everybody else.  For you mamas out there that are in the same boat not hitting that level of perfection, keep treading water, do your very best for your children & give them to the Lord.

This is the 1 picture mom took right before the Easter hunt, as we were taking it the bell rang & we nearly missed the entire hunt & all ended up with about 2 eggs! Luckily we have generous friends who shared with us…mom didn’t take anymore pictures because we might have been teary-eyed the rest of the time. Thanks Mami!

Happy Easter friends & family!

There was a violent earthquake, for an angel of the Lord came down from heaven and, going to the tomb, rolled back the stone and sat on it.  His appearance was like lightning, and his clothes were white as snow.  The guards were so afraid of him that they shook and became like dead men.   The angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified.  He is not here; he has risen, just as he said.  Come and see the place where he lay.  Then go quickly and tell his disciples: ‘He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee.  There you will see him. ‘Now I have told you.’

Matthew 28:2-7

He is risen…the world’s hope!

At the dinnermesa,

Beth

 

Full House…

(Tyler Blog)

In cards, a “full house” is when you have three of a kind and a pair, and you usually go all in. In real life, a “full house” is when you have three boys and a pair of girls, and you wonder how you will go all in! Seriously, if you count the dogs, we have 10 living things in about 1300 square feet of space! I think Bob Saget had a better ratio.

We bought our house in April of 2007, well before we ever entertained the idea of adopting, much less adopting five kids. We did it in a bit of a rush as Beth was working a ton and I was busy splitting my time between my doctorate and work too, but we found a neat little place in the DFW area in a bunch of streets named after Monopoly streets. I often joked about buying all the houses and putting up a hotel. Beth moved in, and I stayed with my folks until we got married that November. Let me pause right here and say it’s a tad frustrating being a first-time home buyer in 2007 when you hear about a first-time home buyer tax credit for people purchasing in 2008! Oh well. You win some, you lose a lot!

Our first house

Nonetheless, Beth had a bed, a TV tray, and a futon pillow. That was about it. We used to think, “How will we ever fill this massive house?” Little by little, our spartan walls and floor-space morphed into a pretty comfortable place to be for two people. Some friends from church gave us their old bed and dresser in 2008 (which we still have, even though the mattress tag says it was manufactured in 1982! I was manufactured just two years earlier). In 2009, we splurged and spent our income tax return getting a sectional and a recliner for the living room. It was our first and only new store-bought furniture, and we were so excited, we slept on the sofa for a week straight. By 2010, because interest rates had gotten so low, we refinanced from a 30-year loan to a 15-year loan for almost the same price (That’s the “you win some” part). By US standards, it wasn’t much, but we filled it with love and we have tried to bless as many people as we can with it. When 2011 came around, I discovered that by non-US standards, this place was a mansion as I saw how people lived in a very poor part of Peru on a mission trip. This trip also broke my heart for South America, which is why in 2012, five Colombians were able to call this little house their home too. Now, in 2013, I sit and wonder, “how did this place fill up so fast?”

Habitación de las Niñas

Habitación de los Niños

The living room… and dining room… and kitchen.

So, for the past six months, all 10 of us have been living here. It isn’t too bad, and I know guys on submarines have it worse, but we started thinking about buying a bigger house. We contacted a realtor and a mortgage company to see what the real estate business is like since we’ve been out of the game for 6 years. Good news! Rates are low and prices are down, but we needed to act fast because these incredible deals won’t last long!

Our vision started out small. I thought about how nice it would be to get to my sock drawer in the closet without having to move the vacuum right in front of it. Beth imagined having a laundry room where we wouldn’t have to stack the washer and dryer and turn them sideways to get them to fit. We started thinking about having a nice big common room for our kids to play. We thought about possibly getting four bedrooms so we would only have to double-up instead of triple-up like we are doing now. We also considered possibly having a pool and/or some acreage for our kids to enjoy. I wanted to have a bigger garage or a storage building for tools and hobbies.

After doing some homework, researching the area, and looking into financing, we got the dollar-figure that we would have to pay a month to make it happen. It was bigger than I was expecting, but it wasn’t out of the realm of what we could handle. So we started to pray, seeking God’s wisdom, and we stacked up pros and cons…

Pros:

1. We have more space to spread out and we can have all that junk I said in paragraph 5.

2. We get a good interest rate since they are still super low right now.

3. We can buy a bigger place right now because housing prices are still depressed from a few years ago.

4. We can bless others by having parties, family events, and dinner guests at our house, more so than we can now.

Cons:

1. We would take longer to pay off our adoption debt, which, right now, we are planning to have cleaned up by this time next year.

2. The extra jobs we are working right now would no longer be for extra money to dump on our adoption debt but money that we would absolutely need to survive.

3. We wouldn’t have extra money to give to others to help them out.

4. Our marriage and family would be under more financial stress.

5. We would have to say no to vacations, trips to the museum, and other fun things that come up.

I remember thinking, “If we didn’t have to tithe…” NO! Stop! Pare (because we speak Spanish now)! You idiot! When I started rolling around thoughts of stealing from God in order to satisfy my will, I realized that I was on a dangerous path. I also looked at my pro and con list. All of my pros, with the exception of #4 are self-serving. Also, almost every con will make it harder to serve my Lord and Savior (which isn’t me).

We prayed for wisdom, and God answered, even though it wasn’t what I wanted to hear. So, after all that, it looks like our little place in Texas will be our little place in Texas a while longer. Don’t get me wrong, at some point we will move and get a bigger place, but God made it clear to me that now was not the right time. Maybe in a year or two, but for now, I need to be patient and, most of all, content.

I learned some stuff through this process. God calls us to balance stewardship with faith in every aspect of our lives, and certainly, our money is one of those areas. However, the thing that hit me was, I rarely think He wants us to step out on faith when it is satisfying our will and not His. Also, I’ve learned over the past few months, when you are close to your family, you get close to your family. Our kids need to be close to their forever mom and dad right now. They don’t need a few more square feet.

Our culture here in the US tells us that we need the biggest house we can get, especially when you have so many kids. Our culture also says that adopting five kids, all at once, without ever being a parent before is crazy too. We followed God’s will on that one, and it has been incredible. We’ll just see what He’ll do with this one!

This house is little, but it will always be the place we first called home… and as for me and this little house, we will serve the Lord!

At the dinnermesa,

Ty

A little glimpse into our night…

Look who is learning to read too…

Big Sister!

FYI: from here down is what I’ve been going through, so if you only read to see the kids you can stop here. (Don’t worry it won’t offend me a bit :))

Life has been hard.  We had the flu go through our house last week & just when you think it is over Darth started running a fever last night & got on Tamiflu today.

It’s frustrating when our plans are changed.  When money you ear-marked for something heads in another direction.  When time you so thoughtfully planned is taken away.  When family you want to be with lives far away.  When governments change their rules & their are more hoops to jump through before you can get your kids.

I wish I could let you know about all the details about how our children became available but that is our family’s private story.  Just know that we were approved nearly a week after our children became available to adopt.  Our kids were supposed to be available for adoption in May, but due to circumstances their time was pushed back.  Our children were supposed to be orphans before we had even applied for adoption, they were supposed to be orphans 1wk before Tyler would go on a mission trip that would change his heart.  If they were approved earlier: they could have been separated, they could have gone home with another family, we could still be waiting.

Sometimes doubt & frustration sets in & we get sick of the circumstance that we have been placed in.  Sometimes we forget the miracles that God has already preformed in our life as we wait for the next “big thing” to come along.

In my personal bible study I camped out in 1 Peter (he’s probably my most favorite apostle, he had a bit of a problem with his mouth too):

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.  Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.  (1Peter 5:6-11)

My Verbs/Actions for Life: 

Humble: Having or showing a modest or low estimate of one’s own importance (AKA: it’s not all about me, my time, my plan)

Cast: Throw (something) forcefully in a specified direction (FORECFULLY THROW AWAY MY ANXIETY!!!)

Alert: Quick to notice any unusual and potentially dangerous or difficult circumstances; vigilant (vigilant: Keeping careful watch for possible danger or difficulties) (Read the bible, pray, go to church, ALL THE TIME because my enemy is moving around all them time)

Sober (mind): quiet or sedate in demeanor, not a drunk (Do not act like a fool, like a drunk, do not go whatever way the wind may blow, I know the truth)

Resist: Withstand the action or effect of (Do not fall under pressure, the pressure that is promised to come)

Standing (firm):  Remaining upright, not cut down (firm: Having a solid, almost unyielding surface or structure).  (Staying upright unyielding, not growing weary & sitting down)

Suffered: Experience or be subjected to (something bad or unpleasant), Be affected by or subject to (an illness or ailment). (Bad stuff is going to happen because there is sin in our world. But it is suffered (past tense), it is not my future, my future is heaven.)

Because my Enemy’s verbs are:

Prowls: Move around (a place) in search of or as if in search of prey (He is hunting & I’ve known some hunters: they are sneaky & PATIENT, going to the animal’s natural habitat, waiting in deer-blinds for hours/days, for that moment to attack, that moment of “slowness” or weakness)

Roaring: Making a loud, deep, or harsh prolonged sound (AKA does not want to be ignored, wants to disturb, disrupt, break)

Looking: Direct one’s gaze toward someone or something or in a specified direction (A specified direction, the enemy is looking into the details of my life.  That’s where he finds my weaknesses, in the everyday, in my actions toward others, how I handle hard circumstances)

Devour: Consume (someone or something) destructively (Not just eat but he wants me to suffer, to hurt, to lose faith)

But I have His Promises:

Lift (you up):Raise to a higher position or level (He will not leave me in my despair, that is not His desire for me)

Cares (for you): The provision of what is necessary for the health, welfare, maintenance, and protection of someone or something (For all of me, in everything He cares)

Called (you): Cry out to (someone) in order to summon them or attract their attention (He is talking to me, God of the Universe called out to me…blows my mind)

(He) will: Expressing the future tense, Intend, desire, or wish (something) to happen (AKA: IT IS GOING TO HAPPEN!)

Restore (me): bring back, reinstate, return (someone or something) to a former condition (There is nothing, no one, no circumstance that is out of His reach, all can be made new..ALL)

Make (me strong, firm & steadfast): Form (something) by putting parts together or combining substances; construct; create (He is going to make me able to withstand the world around me, not by my own power but solely through His)

Power: The ability to do something or act in a particular way (Synonyms: might, force, strength, authority…and I am on His side, what is there to fear, worry, doubt?!?)

Then I looked up “in due time”

In: Expressing the situation of something that is or appears to be enclosed or surrounded by something else

Due: Expected at or planned for at a certain time

Time: The indefinite continued progress of existence and events in the past, present, and future regarded as a whole

As in all of His plans (past, present & future) are enclosed for a certain time, a perfect time.

At the dinnermesa,

Beth