When you write a blog you sit & think how honest can I really be. If I say everything that I am thinking how much will people judge me, like me, accept me. How will this affect the community around me.
Today is Birth Mother’s day. It’s when adoptive families pause & celebrate the women who bore the children that are now apart of our forever families. Here comes the honest part…
We do not have a special “I was chosen by my children’s mom to love & protect them.” My children do not have a relation with their birth mom. The youngest ones do not know what she looks like, the oldest ones don’t always remember. They don’t know where she grew up, if they have aunts or uncles, or even if they have more siblings.
Some days it’s hard to celebrate a woman that caused my children pain, who didn’t protect them & meet their needs. I get mad that they are scared of the dark because they know the scary things that can happen. I hate that they still have to question, “I am staying in this house forever, right?” I get mad that she “couldn’t get herself together” to take care of them.
Some days I feel sorry for her. I can’t imagine missing my kids grow up. Playing soccer, learning how to ride a bike, learning how to swim. I’d hate to miss out on hearing the kids belt out “Let it Go” from the back of the van. I would hate to miss seeing them learn, grow, & develop into these amazing kids in front of me. And I would think about them every day. Every.Single.Day.
Today I celebrate her. I forgive her. And I pray for her.
I celebrate that she was brave & despite all circumstances she had 5 beautiful perfect babies. That she did not choose the road of abortion, because it’s always an option, a lot of times it’s even sold as the “easier & smarter” option. I get over my judgement of her “not having it all together”, because none of us “have it together.” I celebrate that she lovingly named all of my children, names that have meaning & were not an afterthought. I thank her for taking care of them while they were in her care.
I forgive her for not being the mom that they needed. For not meeting needs, for putting them in dangerous situations, & for not thinking about them first. Jesus lives in my heart & I still forget to put myself second, how dare I hold that against her. I forgive her for not having baby pictures to share with my kids someday (something so small, but I held it against her).
I pray that she is safe, and that her heart is seeking the Lord. I pray that she lets the Holy Spirit fill those 5 holes that were left when her children were taken away from her. I pray that she has peace about where her children are now.
This is not a one & done type of activity, this is an active part of my prayer life, because she is the mother of my children without her I would not have the 5 miracles sitting on my couch watching Shrek. And because we have all sinned & fallen short, ‘He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities.’
The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. He will not always chide, nor will he keep his anger forever. He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us. Psalm 108:8-12
And God promises me that if I forgive others their trespasses, He will forgive mine.
For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Matthew 6:14
In a world that tells me, “I should be thankful that my kids will never have to see her again”, in a world that tells me, “I can’t believe that a woman would be like that”, in a world that tells me I should hate this woman and should actively pray that my kids never meet her again. I am choosing to envelope myself in the grace that I have been promised through salvation, & forgive & love this woman that I am tied to for life.
At the Dinnermesa,