Ramblings of a sinner…

So it started when I was in junior high.  It got a little worse in high school. And then in college I couldn’t control myself.  I had a mouth like a sailor.  I couldn’t speak a phrase without a curse word coming out.  I didn’t have a thought that didn’t have an expletive in it.  I wish I could tell you that I have made great strides in getting away from this behavior.  According to society I have.  They barely cross my mouth, I don’t use them in tense situations, my kids have never heard me say one, but they are still there.

They are my ‘secret sin’, the thing that I can hide, they are only between me & God.  For years I’ve been okay with that.  I used the “I’m a pretty good person, so what if I can’t control my mouth”.  I’m a pretty good person, ha, I’m a sinner saved by grace.

Sometimes they make me feel like an addict: if someone uses one, I hear one on a movie, I read them in a book, I see them on a bumper sticker; they begin running through my mind & are nearly impossible for me to control. They are everywhere.   And once again I feel like I am in control of the problem but they are in so many responses during my day, again not said out-loud, but in my mind…

So why tell now?  Now that I’ve been able to hide it for so long, now that I have it “under control”.  Partly for the accountability but mostly because of the answer I was given to my problem.

It’s nice when you ask God & He immediately answers.  It’s not fun when you ignore Him & He answers louder.  You know those Sundays when your preacher is talking & you sit a little lower in your seat because you’re pretty sure the neon letters over your head are flashing “listen!!!”

The sermon was about being forgiven.  Our pastor said, “Forgiveness of sin removes guilt & facilitates worship.”  That’s what I have been missing.  I ask forgiveness, daily, hourly, ALL OF THE TIME!  As the Pastor said, “you take away your guilt of forgiveness, you apply the blood of Jesus over & over again but you do not facilitate worship, that’s not right!”  So I knew what to do.  I felt the conviction from the Holy Spirit of what to do.  I have to take my words, the filth I have in my head and replace it with His word.  Scripture memorization…ugh!  That’s work, that’s time, that’s a sacrifice, how can I tell people the ‘real reason’ for my PLUNGE (shout-out to the MOPS group), and how can I study His word.  I do a sweet little daily devotional, I am in a bible study but I do not meditate on the words.  I find answers, check things off my to do list but do not take the time to commit anything to memory.

But then Monday morning hit, the convictions were pushed aside as I got 5 kids up & ready for their school day.  Then I went to Wednesday night church.  Wednesday night church is a pretty great time, we go through different books of the bible, & I thought I would be in the clear.  Well Pastor changed it up, we will be doing character studies this year..Enoch, didn’t die, pleased God, he walked with God.

 Therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, I urge you to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God; this is your spiritual worship.  Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God. Romans 12:1-2

We learned that the phrase “pleasing to God” is an imperfect verb, it is not completed.  It is a daily act of worship, because sin is persistent it does not go away.

so My word that comes from My mouth
will not return to Me empty,
but it will accomplish what I please
and will prosper in what I send it to do.”

You will indeed go out with joy
and be peacefully guided;
the mountains and the hills will break into singing before you,
and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.

Instead of the thornbush, a cypress will come up,
and instead of the brier, a myrtle will come up;
it will make a name for Yahweh
as an everlasting sign that will not be destroyed. Isaiah 55:11-13

To go out with joy & be peacefully guided in 2013, through scripture.  But even with all of these wonderful answers I thought I still had an out, I don’t know where to start, how to use a concordance, I only have one translation of the bible.  But then Pastor went ahead and took care of that too…

Read an entire chapter.  Over the next few days paraphrase God’s words in your own words.  Next look at the verbs-how can I apply that verb to my life.  The Holy Spirit will be accomplishing His purpose to send you out with His purpose & peace.

Iaiah 55:11 (listed above): if I am not reading I am missing what the God of the universe wants to do with my life.

Hope this wasn’t too much, hope this doesn’t change too many people’s opinions about me, but really I hope that if you are suffering from sin that you confess it & fill yourself with worship.  Because if there is room in your life for sin to creep in it will.  Again this post was for me, this is what has been on my heart for the past month, I asked God for a way out & was told an answer.  Asking will get you answers, might not be the answer that you wanted but it will be the one you needed.

A ridiculous amount of this post was taken from my pastor’s words (hoping nothing was misquoted, looking over my sermon notes).  Thankful for the truth that is spoken & that while in the conviction I am also given a road map home.  See you in the morning FBC Mansfield 🙂

At the dinnermesa,

Beth

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3 thoughts on “Ramblings of a sinner…

  1. Janet says:

    My opinioin of you, even though it matters not, is only improved! I knew you loved and wanted to please the Lord and now we all know that you love Him so much that you want the same for your friends. We all have “things” and “stuff” and a past that when surrendered to the Lord brings glory to Him and encouragement to others. Much love sweet friend. Thanks also for the practical idea of reading a chapter and re-writing it in our own words and meditating on it.

  2. Paul Tate says:

    Dear Beth…..thank you for sharing….I missed Wed night sermon, and not getting
    the tapes. It really touched me, as we all hae those hidden sins that only God and we know…..U have my respect dear sister-in-Christ. Also I am reading this on Sat. morning and would not have done my daily time with the Lord,if not had read your
    Blog…..now I am convicted to do so….thank you for sharing your heart and Love of the Lord with all of us….hope that I can do the same….

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