So we did it, we went to the Christmas eve candle light service & we did not burn the church down!!! We have some fun memories of the kids pretending that the candle holder is ice cream, another memory of Oscar holding the candle holders on his chest & exclaiming “mi tay-tas” (that one was quickly ended by Mami), Darth trying to put the candle in her mouth instead of blowing it out, our pastor lighting our family’s candles, our kids surrounded by grandparents on our first Christmas eve as a family.
Please know we are not a perfect family. I overreact, Tyler is high-strung, our oldest still has a healthy fear that all of this happiness could disappear. For example tonight was a great night, everything was going his way but he still looks for things to be angry with: “I didn’t get the spoon that I wanted. I wanted to close the second door, not the first door. I wanted to be the only one wearing red today.” It is EXHAUSTING!!! I just want to take him & tell him you have a great life, so many people love you, tomorrow is Christmas you are getting presents, stop being such a baby! But instead I sit with him his room rocking him, holding him as I would a baby & tell him I love you, I will always love you, this will always be your family, we want you to be happy because we are happy you are here. We hug, we kiss, we make up, we keep going. Then 5 minutes later my sweet happy son is back to the Grinch. This time Tyler takes him back into his room, holds him & tells him that we love him, they talk about all the reasons to be happy, they talk about all the people who love him, they end on a good note with hugs & kisses. 10 minutes later we have a sad kid again…
My goodness it takes a long time to heal the broken, to lead the lost, to see the fruit of our labor. Praise God, He sent his son, a baby to save us all. To heal our broken, to find the lost, to give us eternal life. Praying for our children tonight, not that it gets easier for us & they become deliriously happy all the time, but that they find the Lord, that they give their life to Him. That they allow Him to heal those wounds, the ones we can’t see, the ones that they keep hidden, that they find everlasting joy.
This time last year we had just begun work on closing in our office in hopes that we would get a call that 2-3 children were available for adoption…how small are the thoughts of men. 5 beds full of children, 5 bikes with red bows, 5 kids excited to wake up on Christmas morning…how can you still not believe in miracles?!?
At the dinnermesa,