Personal…

So I am going to share with you one of my most shameful moments so far as a mom… “I don’t care.”

Sometimes (especially in the morning as we are getting ready to go to school) my kids want to tell me something, tattle on their sibling, say something mean, say something funny, say something insignificant, say something important, they just want to talk…and I under my breath mutter, “I don’t care.”  Sometimes this phrase would cause them to pause, most of the time they would plow through with their agenda & keep going with all of their words.

Well yesterday my oldest daughter asked what does, “I don’t care,” mean in Spanish?  My kids are learning English, a little more each daily & are starting to pick up on words & phrases.  It broke my heart to tell her it means,  “No me importa.”  It is not important to me.  Immediately her face fell.  It hit me hard when I realized how many times I must have muttered this phrase & now looking back how hurtful this phrase is.

I don’t care.  Was there ever such a selfish phrase invented?  I don’t care: that you want to tell me about why you want to wear your red shirt instead of a blue one because I need to get you all ready & off to school on time.  I don’t care: that your brother is looking at you with mean eyes, I need you to put your shoes on.  I don’t care: that you had a great day at school because I have to help your brother (who did not have a great day at school) with homework.

I have to wake up out of this hurried attitude, this “put the fire out” attitude, & start caring.  I have to validate their feelings or they will not know how to process their emotions in a positive manner.  I HAVE TO CARE, my kids have already been through a home that didn’t care & we are still recovering from it.  I have to care otherwise how will my children learn to care?

So last night after the conversation with my daughter I started caring.  I listened while she told me about her day.  I listened to why middle brother was frustrated with his little sister.  I listened to what our oldest wanted to do on his train.  I listened to why little brother likes to pick his nose.  I listened to Darth about why she was in time-out.  And you know what we had dinner 30min later than usual, I didn’t get their lunches made until after they went to bed, I took the trash out at 9:30pm instead of 8:00pm.

But I had a great time building a cardboard train with my oldest son, the son that I have daily struggles with in building our relationship.  For an whole hour while we worked on his train & his brothers & sisters watched & cheered him on he told me, “Mami I love you! I love you so much!  Thank you for building this train with me!”  Then we would work for a little while longer & it was almost as if he could not control himself & he would say again, “Oh Mami thank you so much for this train!”  And because of his kind words I was greatly encourages & they reminded me to heap kind words & blessings on him, “Mami is so glad that you like your train, I am having a great time being with you & I love you.  You are being such a great example for your brothers & sisters.  You are a good, smart, creative & kind boy, I am so glad that you are my son.”

Just know before the “I don’t care” conversation with my daughter I was going to build the train by myself after the kids went to bed, I was going to rob both of us of this joy.

001

Working on the train…don’t worry it will get better than this

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His siblings would randomly clap & then they prepared a song for us to watch afterwards

I will still fail, I will still be selfish with my time, I will still have the “I don’t care” moments but I am going to try my hardest to keep this phrase our of my mouth & out of our family’s life.  “I don’t care”, it makes me sick to my stomach.

Micah 7:7
But as for me, I watch in hope for the LORD, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me. (BECAUSE HE CARES, HE LOVES ME)

At the dinnermesa,

Beth

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4 thoughts on “Personal…

  1. Lauren Robertson says:

    Beth, I love you and love your heart. You are so transparent. Everyone of us has i don’t care moments, I know I have that A LOT with the kids in my ministry, but way to go for changing some things to care more. You are such a great mom. Keep up the great work.

  2. I hear girl…. Isaac kept asking me over and over again last night to color with him… but I thought it was more important to clean the house…Yes, my house is clean but I missed out on the opportunity to spend 1:1 time with my boy…Today is a new day!!!! -m

  3. Trisha Smith says:

    Beth … thank you for sharing from your heart. Your insight is a great reminder of how important it really is to care … about both the big and little things. Your kids will grow up to teach yet another generation to do the same.

    Love you girl!

  4. I find myself in the same place sometimes. It’s easy to get caught up in all of the things that need to be done. I read somewhere that if you don’t talk to your kids about what’s important to them when they are small (even if it seems boring/unimportant to you), they won’t talk to you about what is important to them when they are teenagers (relationships, drugs, future plans, etc). That really stopped me in my tracks. When I’m sitting there trying not to fall asleep while one of my kids drones on and on about their latest lego creation, I remind myself how great it is that they want to talk to me! And that we are building a foundation for continuing to talk about “important stuff” later too.

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