Well, it was lice-capades part 3 today. Usually by the second sequel, you get a new cast, but, no, it´s the same people. Let me tell you, these days stink for everyone involved.
Tyler – Take the boys in the morning out of the house for six hours trying to entertain them by any means (I want to say more about this below)… Then return them home and pick up the girls. Same drill, but because the boys hair is shorter, we only have to be gone for two hours.
Grandma – Wash, disinfect, and clean everything imagineable and be Beth´s indentured servant at the house.
Beth – Wash the girls hair for 30 minutes. Then go through there hair, stand by strand with a fine tooth comb picking out any bug or egg she can fine. I was told that the ladies watched three movies while this was happening. Once I return home with the boys, she starts the drill all over again. Only needed one movie for the boys.
Children – have half a day of fun with Papi, and half a day of being stripped down naked, washed, and scalped with this Spanish inquisition torture device… seriously, this comb is so fine that if even two strands of hair are best friends, it will find a way to come between them (pun intended… I know, it was bad, but as you are reading, it was a long day).
After we get the kids in bed, we still have a mountain of laundry, and we have to go through our hair. Further, it doesn´t help that Beth is a little under the weather. Hence, I am doing the good husband thing and giving her the night off… I sure hope we get these things out of our lives! We´ve spent a small fortune in fancy shampoo, and Beth says, if this doesn´t work, we will be sleeping in night-caps with mayonase on our heads… I really don´t want that. That could be the star of a show called “Things I Don´t Want.”
OK, let me revisit the details of my day… (A little segment we like to call, “Tyler Rants About His Day”)
So what do you do with three boys on a quasi-rainy day when the wife wants you out of the house? You go to the movies, right? I looked up times on the computer. “Ice Age, Part 4″ is playing at 1:00 pm. Perfect! We walk two miles to the mall, and the electronic sign in front of the theatre says Ice Age, Part 4” is playing at 12:30 pm. Even more perfect! We got here a little early, and that is less time to kill. I go to purchase tickets, and I am told that even though the theatre is open, they won´t be selling tickets until 12:00 pm. OK. That means we´ll have the snack that Beth packed us, and do our bathroom breaks before we buy tickets, not after. No biggie! (30 minutes later) I go to buy the tickets… (The following conversation has been translated to English for ease of understanding)
Ty: I would like four tickets to Ice Age 4 at 12:30. Once Adult and three children
Cine Colombia Employee: We don´t have that movie here. Is there another movie you would like to see.
Ty: Your sign says Ice Age 4 at 12:30.
Cine Colombia Employee: We don´t have that movie here. It is at another theatre.
Ty: Why isn´t your sign that says Ice Age 4 at 12:30 at the other theatre then?
Cine Colombia Employee: Would you like to see Brave at 2:00 pm?
Ty: No, we saw that one last week. Your sign says…
Cine Colombia Employee: That is for a different theatre. It isn´t for here. Here are all the movies we are showing. (turns computer screen around to show me how vastly different it is from the sign that is six feet above her head and the website)
Ty: (After looking down at the three children I have been promising for two hours that we would see a movie if everyone was good) Children, I´m so sorry but you guys were so bad today! No movies for you!
OK. OK. I made the last part up, but the rest of it is true. So frustrating! As a consolation prize, we went to the arcade, and everyone got twelve tokens. I thought this would be a lot of fun as I could show the kids how awesome I was at Dance Dance Revolution, have a few friendly games of air hockey, and maybe play a racing game or two. Unfortunately, while I was on the Dance Dance Revolution machine, my children pumped all of their tokens into the mechanical crane machine and were able to pull out one doll, two snakes, and a piece of candy. All tokens were gone in less than three minutes. I told them to really treasure their winnings because they cost me $30 bucks. Maybe Tio Chappy can teach them more about the mechanical cranes. That was always his game.
After that, we walked to McDonalds, had ice cream and played in their playground (indoor, which is nice since it was raining off and on all day today). While there, I captured photographic evidence of something that I would love for someone to explain to me… At the main entrance to the playground equipment (one of those playgrounds that looks like a gigantic hampster cage with tubes and slides) It has the “handicapped accessible” label on it with the man in the wheelchair. Can someone please tell me, how on God´s green earth that a playground like this is able to accomidate the disabled? No disrespect to anyone with disabilities, but I doubt a wheelchair alone could fit in there all folded up, much less with a person in it. What am I missing?
Tomorrow we get to go visit the judge who is reviewing our case. Please pray that everyone is on their best behavior, including Beth and I. We really want to go home. How do you know that you have been in a foreign country too long? On Saturday, a Colombian pulled over to the side of the road where I was walking and asked me directions! Crazy.
At the dinnermesa,