Have you heard the phrase “Don’t treat God like Santa Claus”? It’s usually said when people only go to prayer when they need/want something. I tend to use that phrase to mean: He will only be here once a year & give me one present…bringing the kids home; and let’s be honest “bringing the kids home” is a present that would cover the next 20 Christmases (kind of like the year I got Clyde the Wonderhorse).
I had a bit of a breakdown on Friday:
Next weekend we will get to meet the director of the orphanage where our kids are at!! We have a list of questions to ask her & also asked if she could bring some pictures of the kids with her. Right now we have one picture of each child & we are desperate for more. On Friday I got an email from our caseworker that said, “if we can get updated pictures for our dossier that maybe we could trade the director for pictures of the kids”. The only problem is that we do not have updated pictures for our dossier. Our family pictures are scheduled for two weeks after the director’s visit and I have been searching for furniture for the kid’s rooms & have had no luck so their rooms are still blank. That email brought me to tears.
I felt alone (Tyler is out of town & we can only communicate once a day due to his location). I felt like I am unfit to be a mother because I can’t even furnish my kid’s rooms & I have no family pictures. I felt like a failure. I was full or worry & doubt, which translates to me up at 2am unable to sleep. So I talked to the only one who is always with me…
You are so good & so faithful. Please help me find peace during this time. I am leaning on you fully to bring the children home. You have prepared a place in our hearts for them, please help me prepare a place in our home for them. I hate to ask anything of you because you have already given us so much more than we deserve but please help me with our home.
I prayed this at 2:15am.
At 2:23am dressers were posted on Craigslist.
On April 19th at 2:15pm beds were posted on Craigslist.
At 2:45am lockers were posted on Craigslist.
“Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him…” (Psalm 37:5-7a, NIV).
Husband has a job is what we wanted. Husband’s job is supportive of our adoption, surrounds him with people of integrity that care about him…desire of my heart.
A child is what we wanted. A family waiting for us in Colombia…desire of my heart.
Agency to help us adopt children is what we wanted. Agency that is supportive, thoughtful, & has amazing employees that are so patient with emotional parents …desire of my heart.
The dressers & beds were what we wanted. Beautiful detailed dressers, antique beds, & lockers…desires of my heart.
Our friend’s daughter, who they adopted from Haiti, asked Jesus to come into her heart & she is going to be baptized. This is what matters, this is the desire of my heart for my children’s lives.
At the dinnermesa,